One Wet
by DanielTheWaterTankAndTheFoetus
Summary: A seemingly harmless visit to the aquarium turns nasty. Starring Toshiro, with characters from 'Back to the Future', 'Pokémon' and 'Futurama' thrown in the mix (since there are more than two categories, I didn't know which crossover section to put this in). Includes extremely absurd twists on Magical Girl, fairytale and romance clichés.


**A/N: Okay. I should probably explain a few things before you start reading. This fic is the result of a school afternoon when my dear friend Dr. Foetus told me to write a story to relieve her boredom. Along the way, she blurted out random things which I somehow incorporated into it, which is why nothing makes any sense at all. **

**You know how Microsoft Word automatically saves a document as the first few words you wrote in it? That is what happened with this. Hence the title. I could have changed it, but Dr. Foetus implored me not to.**

**Lastly, Al Gore in the fic refers to the **_**Futurama**_** character, not the actual person, so please don't take him seriously (since the **_**Futurama **_**Al Gore isn't supposed to be taken seriously anyway). Or the fic itself, for that matter.**

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><p><em><strong>One Wet<strong>_

_By Janine (see profile)_

One wet, windy day (on which it was raining doughnuts), Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya was bored stiff due to a severe lack of Hollows in the city he was currently patrolling. Which, for some strange reason, happened to be Sydney, Australia. As he stood atop a streetlamp, impatiently tapping his foot, he couldn't help noticing the large building emblazoned with the words 'Sydney Aquarium'. His duties, however, prohibited him from distractions such as this one, and so he continued to stand there until each minute that passed became more and more agonising, and his desire to enter this building increased. Finally he could stand it no longer and was about to move to a different area, when he saw a very attractive guy enter through the door, which had been designed so that it was in the shape of a shark. Unbeknownst to him, this guy was none other than the awesome time-travelling teenager Marty McFly.

However, Toshiro had no idea who he was, as mentioned before – all he knew was that this guy walking casually through the doors, smiling at passers-by with an aura of irresistible charm, was the most appealing being he had ever laid eyes on. And that was saying something, taking into account the number of humans and Shinigami Toshiro had seen over the years. He was drawn instantly to this guy, drawn by the attraction that exists naturally among living organisms, and without a moment of hesitation, he leapt off the streetlamp and began to pursue the guy.

Inside the building, he was hindered by the receptionist, a brilliantly purple Golbat with a very menacing snarl.

"What do you want, Shinigami?" he growled, baring his teeth.

Toshiro shot him a cold, impatient look and shot past him. Where could that sexy human have gone?

A tremendous blast of wind in front of him almost threw him into the wall. He skidded backwards on the carpet. He coughed, and through the smoke that had suddenly appeared emerged an enlarged version of the Golbat. "HOW DARE YOU COME TO STEAL OUR PRECIOUS DOUGHNUT RAIN, SHINIGAMI!" he boomed. People began to scatter in terror.

"I happen to be on a patrol," said Toshiro, thoroughly perplexed. "And I am after someone at present. You're in my way. Reign over the frosted heavens, Hyourinmaru!" His zanpakuto glowed a dazzling blue and he leapt above the Golbat's head, preparing to strike . . .

And suddenly his momentum was lost and he plunged to the ground. As he struggled painfully to his feet, the Golbat loomed over him. "YOU LOST, SHINIGAMI," he cackled. "I, THE KING OF ALL GOLBATS AND DOUGHNUTS, HAVE THE POWER TO STRIP SHINIGAMI OF THEIRS. HAHAHA!"

Toshiro swore. But he did not have the luxury of doing anything else. For the giant Golbat pounced on him and began to do horrific, unspeakable things.

When this agonising ordeal was finally over, it became clear that the Golbat had not only stripped Toshiro of his shinigami powers, but also of his sanity. His white hair was frizzy, as though an electric current had run through it, and the usually beautiful turquoise eyes radiated something terrible from the depths of his soul. He gave a dreadful cry of rage and ran amok around the aquarium, his now powerless sword slashing through anything that obstructed his way. Water spilled from shattered tanks, fish writhed on floors, gasping for air, and people screamed and sprinted for cover. The fact that they couldn't see him rendered them all the more terrified. A purple kissing fish slid across the floor and smashed into Toshiro's foot. Delirious from lack of oxygen, it mistakenly believed his foot was another one of its species and began to kiss it passionately. Toshiro screamed in rage and attempted to slash it to bits with his sword. Before he could, however, the fish opened its mouth wide and sank its teeth into his foot, chomping loudly until it was nothing but a bloody stump. Then it swallowed, paused for one self-satisfied moment and dropped dead.

The Golbat was nowhere to be seen.

Toshiro was wailing in pain, hopping around madly and clutching his leg. At that moment a peach-coloured jellyfish sprang out of nowhere, landed squarely on his face and began to invade his mouth with its many slimy stingers. Toshiro grabbed blindly at it, becoming more desperate with each passing moment. Then, when he thought all hope was lost, a seemingly magical force descended upon him and lifted the creature off his face. He spluttered and choked and writhed around on the floor, only having the strength to look up at his saviour when he had caught his breath.

When he finally did, he gave a terrifying, strangled gasp and rolled across the room until he collided with the wall. It was none other than the inhumanely attractive guy he had seen enter the aquarium earlier.

Marty gazed down at Toshiro with luminous blue eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked, extending his hand elegantly like a prince out of a fairytale.

"Aaa – uuugh . . ." mumbled Toshiro. His sanity had obviously not returned.

"Okay, just calm down," said Marty, kneeling down to cradle Toshiro in his arms. Toshiro moaned and fidgeted, his head buried in Marty's chest.

At that moment, a two-dimensional figure burst into the room. It was the version of Al Gore from _Futurama_! Well, his head, at least. In an awesome jar. He stopped dead in his tracks, stared at Toshiro and Marty embracing, surrounded by dying fish and other marine animals, and immediately fainted, his jar slamming into a seahorse's writhing body with a sickening crunch. The seahorse went still at once.

Then, all of a sudden, there was a tremendous roar that shattered the already shattered glass into even tinier pieces. The far wall exploded with an ear-splitting crash and from the other side emerged the Golbat, having grown so large that between the floor and the ceiling, he had no room to fly at all.

Toshiro and Marty looked up in horror. Toshiro squealed like a girl and tried to run, but Marty held him fast, a look of determination crossing his face. As the Golbat gave a mighty battle cry and charged, Marty turned away, forced Toshiro's chin up and planted a tender kiss on his lips.

There was a burst of bright pink light that almost blinded them. When it receded, Al Gore stood beside them, shielding them from the onslaught. He now possessed a slender, feminine body. He was dressed in a short pink dress with frills and bows attached to it and wielded a matching pink staff.

The Golbat did a double take, his eyes wide.

"Kawaii Diarrhoea Deluxe!" yelled Al Gore, swinging his staff at the Golbat. A torrent of powder pink, watery faeces shot forth from the end of the staff and splattered onto the Golbat with such force that he careened into the jagged remains of several tanks.

Al Gore punched the air in triumph and did a little victory dance, before slipping spectacularly on a pile of dead fish and falling on his rump. Marty stifled a giggle.

But the victory was short-lived. An ominous growl emanated from beneath the layer of diarrhoea in the corner of the room, and the Golbat rose slowly, eyes blazing with rage. "HOW DARE YOU!" he bellowed. "I, THE MIGHTY GOLBAT OF THIS AQUARIUM, WILL BRING DOWN –"

"Silence, monster!"

It was Toshiro. He was kneeling by Marty's side and panting with pain, but his hair was no longer frizzy and the icy, focused resolve had returned to his eyes. He grasped his sword – which was now glowing a bright blue and emitting a frosty aura that seemed to spread across the entire room – with steady hands, the glinting tip pointed squarely at the Golbat.

"Wha – how – but –" the Golbat spluttered, gaping at him.

Al Gore picked himself up off the floor and reached out a gloved hand to help Toshiro up. "Come on, Shinigami. Together, we can defeat him."

Toshiro nodded, allowing Al Gore to pull him to his feet. Well, foot. The two of them stood side by side, sword and staff raised. And then they attacked.

"Bankai! Daiguren Hyourinmaru!"

"Kawaii Foetus Ambush Deluxe!"

A stream of pink and sparkly ice-encased foetuses zoomed toward the Golbat and bashed him brutally. He screamed and screamed as they pummelled him, finally curling in on himself and vanishing in a shower of purple glitter.

"Success!" cried Al Gore, thumping Toshiro's shoulder. Toshiro grimaced, driving his sword into the floor in an effort to stay upright.

"Oh! My apologies!" Al Gore twirled his staff, which began to sparkle and glow. "Kawaii Urine Healing Concoction Deluxe!"

Toshiro's foot magically grew back. As he stared at it in disbelief, the sparkles drifted around the aquarium, and slowly the place returned to its usual appearance. Fish opened their eyes and were carried back to their repaired tanks, and rubble glided into their rightful places in walls and ceilings. Toshiro looked around in wonder.

Al Gore winked at him, his transformation coming undone in the process, and vanished into thin air.

Toshiro turned to look behind him, where Marty was still crouched on the floor. Marty smiled at him. Damn, did he have to be so attractive?

"Thank you," said Toshiro, tearing his eyes away before blood could rush to his face. "I am greatly indebted to you."

"Hey, don't mention it," Marty replied, getting to his feet.

Toshiro had started to turn away, but Marty grabbed his shoulder and swivelled him around again. Of course, it had stopped raining doughnuts now, and the sky was glowing with fiery reds and luscious golds. And Toshiro and Marty gazed into each other's eyes and shared another kiss beside the window, against the beautiful sunset.


End file.
